The LDR : Long Distance Relationships. To Be or Not To Be...

With the online dating world becoming the most viable solution for busy, single moms, it's almost inevitable that you'll find yourself entangled in the once taboo option of an LDR. That's right ladies, the Long Distance Relationship.

When I first divorced and began tip-toeing into the dating realm, I not only welcomed the LDR, I actually preferred it. Let's be honest, it is the best of both worlds!

It allowed me space to refamiliarize myself with who I am as a viable woman. Not as a mom or a boss or a daughter and definitely not as someone's wife. Who was I as a flirty, sexual, vibrantly fun to be around woman? What were my life goals? What did I have to offer to the right man or family? What did I want the right person to bring to my already overflowing table?

This is a lot to reflect on when you find yourself newly single and finally ready to mingle. All I knew was that I never wanted to marry again. I didn't want to do anyone else's laundry and I damn sure didn't want to have to fix another plate that wasn't for myself or my children. However, I was still the insatiable beast called 'woman'. Which meant that I still wanted to be loved, understood, held and admired...in a grown up way, not the 'mommy look what I made in art class for you' kind of way.

For these reasons, LDRs were perfect for me. I had all the benefits of having a significant other without any of the responsibilities that go along with being in a committed relationship. Meet ups and trips were always planned well in advance. Maintenance conversations were conveniently scheduled and text messages ran rampant at my "on demand" will. I was perfectly content with what I felt just a fun time with a cool guy of the moment. The LDR suited me and my non-emotional agenda perfectly fine.

"YES!! Long distance relationships are the lotto jackpot and absolutely work for the emotionally UNavailble." Apparently, I fit that description.

So what happens when the stars align while the moon is full during a solar eclipse all while Venus slow dances with your sun sign as cupid's arrow strikes bullseye on your heart? Let's say (just for the sake of this article of course) that you find yourself intertwined with a soulmate that lives miles away. How do you make it work?

Fret not, my darling Divas. If you have determined that this man is a keeper or at least worth further investigation even though he lives miles (upon miles) away from you, it can indeed work out.

Here's how: The 3 C's to a successful LDR

1. First and foremost, you will want to clarify, Clarify CLARIFY! With most communication being blindfolded to non-verbal cues it will be imperative that all communication is understood on both sides. Starting with determining what type of relationship you mutually agree on. Are you in an open dating relationship? Is it an open sexual relationship? Is it an exclusive relationship? Will you both close all of your online dating accounts or are you still engaging other conversations? Ladies, leave NOTHING up to an assumption just because you are ready to pull out the chastity belt and give him the only key does not mean he is doing the same for you until you have that mutually agreed upon State of the Union Agreement Pact.

2. Every day, every hour, every minute... you have to make the respectful Choices for your relationship. Your life doesn't have to make a drastic 180, however don't do anything that you would not approve of your hunni-bunni over in whatever state he is located in doing as well. If in doubt, go back to the first "C" and get Clarification. For example, I know several divorced couples (including myself) that would allow the ex-husband / wife to spend the night with the children. Obviously there are established boundaries and no chance of any hanky panky, but would you feel feel comfortable with your boo staying the night at his baby momma's home? If so great! Just be sure that Mr. LDR is okay with you doing the same. Out of respect for the relationship that you have chosen, always keep that communication open and never assume anything about the choices you make. Stay respectful in your decision making process.

3. Finally and probably the most important.. the third 'C' in a successful LDR is CONFIDENCE . Long distance relationships are not for the insecure. You absolutely must have the confidence within yourself to know that regardless of how many other women cross his path on a daily basis, not one of them can hold a candle to you and what you have to offer the right partner. The same applies to Mr. Wonderful. He must be secure and confident within himself in knowing that if you didn't answer your phone, it's because you were busy doing something that maintained the integrity of the relationship and you'll get back to him when you can. None of that going through phones, tapping into his wifi, hacking his social media accounts. No ma'am, LDRs are not for the weak. But stay true to yourself, your integrity and the guidelines that you and your MCE (Man Crush Everyday) have set for your relationship and CONFIDENTLY enjoy your journey.

There you have it! Three quick tips to keep that long distance love thriving until you finally close the gap and take the next steps towards living in the same city. Yes, you will eventually have to transition to the same dwelling place.